abfabsolutely

Get paid,

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 15:06:05 -0500

get new sunglasses, look dope in them, get tacos, go see some comedy, constantly make a fool of myself while talking to guys, go home alone, find solace in my leftover tacos, and fall asleep watching Aqua Teen re-runs on my laptop.

What is, “How I will spend my Friday?” Mr. Trebek?

I just ate m&m's and animal crackers for lunch.

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:59:59 -0500

Because that’s the adult way to handle stress. Duh.

thedailywhat: Site of the Day: Star Wars Weather...

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:50:01 -0500

thedailywhat:

Site of the Day: Star Wars Weather Forecast.

Enter city, get Star Wars Universe equivalent. I love this so much, I would hug my screen if only it would hug me back. (One-way hugs are awkward.)

(Bottom right reads: “You may have to climb inside a tauntaun for warmth.” lol.)

[via.]

Now accepting applications for friends who are not shitty people.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:20:03 -0500

awkwardlyawesome:

For realz.

ohhhhh… my pet. virtual hugs. xxoo

THE MAGNIFICENT, MARVELOUS, MAD MADAM MIM (click through for...

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:11:21 -0500

I

AM

THIS

WOMAN.

NOW.

AND A FEW YEARS FROM NOW.

GOOD LORD.

THE MAGNIFICENT, MARVELOUS, MAD MADAM MIM (click through for video)

Why, boy, I’m the greatest! Truly mar-vel-ous!

You see?!? I WIN! I WIN! Aren’t I hideous, boy? Perfectly revolting?!?

So, my boy, I’m afraid I’ll have to destroy you.

[omg]

Have taken sincere vow of silence for the entire day - no...

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:28:46 -0500

Have taken sincere vow of silence for the entire day - no kidding, I cannot physically utter a word, seriously VOICE IS GONE, GONE I TELL YOU, GONE! - and therefore any and all communication with the outside world is dependent upon either email or text messages. I kindof feel like Holly Hunter in The Piano. Minus the hoop skirt and Bronte hair. And sex with Harvey Keitel. Of course.

Which brings me to Merlin. Was discussing soup, warts, and Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans with my brother, via text - typical conversation, nothing out of the ordinary - when it occurred to me that I have evolved into my favorite animated characters from childhood - Aurora/Merlin/Meriweather/and Mad Madam Mim.

(‘BOOKS ARE ALWAYS FIRST YOU KNOW.’ = zomg, I AM THESE PEOPLE)

Readers by Author. [because Loren loves Lauren, haha... BRILLIANT!]

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 20:15:12 -0500

Readers by Author. [because Loren loves Lauren, haha... BRILLIANT!]

palahniukandchocolate: ibelieveinyesterday:aspicio: ” Mawwage....

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 13:52:06 -0500

palahniukandchocolate: ibelieveinyesterday:aspicio:

” Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah, So tweasuwe youw wove …”

___________________________________________________________

So yes, I’m a bit ambivalent when it comes to marriage. Let’s be honest, I can barely commit to a house plant, let alone this ‘death do us part’ hoopla.

However, I believe all of us have the right to a) marry if/when/whomever we choose and b) be on the receiving end of at least one marriage proposal, you know, irl.

(I’m hoping for several, but then I’ve always been ambitious).

My ultimate fantasy proposal scenario, obviously inspired by this film and the greatness that is Hubert Humperdinck, is as follows:

1. He* will gaze into my eyes. For, say, five seconds… tops. (This is a proposal, after all, not a staring contest.)

2. He will, in some sophisticated and elegant way, produce an engagement ring from his pocket or other hiding place not involving food/beverage/stunt team/live television audience.

3. He will then gallantly drop to one knee…

4. … and say, in a voice candy-coated with emotion, ‘My dear Allison… Please consider me an alternative to suicide?’

In summary, thank you, Prince Humperdinck, for setting the bar for Most Romantic Proposal of All Time (3:12) and teaching a girl how to dream.

…

*clearly this gent will need to be charming/intelligent/genuine/witty/thoughtful/totally crushing/downright awesome… oh, and good-looking as hell, duh.

_____________________________________________________________

"Acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance, and bullshit."

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:37:00 -0500

“Acceptance, forgiveness, tolerance, and bullshit.”

- ‘How the hell have we managed to stay friends for so long?’ mystery finally solved

"Ohmygod, it’s steak n shake… It’s like dog years… So, really… That’s basically… a thousand dollars. ..."

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 04:17:00 -0500

“Ohmygod, it’s steak n shake… It’s like dog years… So, really… That’s basically… a thousand dollars. Or… Forty-two. Whatever, same difference.”

- qtis

littlemisssunnysunshine: (via gatekeper) Dear Adrienne...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:42:36 -0500

littlemisssunnysunshine: (via gatekeper)

Dear Adrienne Kessler-

I believe we would have been friends.

RIP,

Erin

I tried to use "The Secret" today to make a lot of money at work.

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:37:12 -0500

kissandtell:

abfabsolutely:

jermainia:

But I don’t even know what The Secret is all about. So I repeated “walk, walk, fashion baby” over and over in my head instead. It didn’t work. But I felt fierce.

My Life, Today’s Edition. love love love.

i’m channeling feeling fierce and future contact.
move aside fuckers. i’m taking the reins.

- mc

"Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that..."

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 02:39:11 -0500

““Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.””

- Lemony Snicket (via kari-shma) (via quote-book)

[Read: Reason to Love Your Friends on the West Coast. 3 hour time delay? Yes, please, love, thanks. ‘YOU AWAKE?’ = 3 am CST text of champions.]

Holiday in Heels 2K9: Sex, Lies, and Videotape. (Or, Sex,...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:40:57 -0500

Holiday in Heels 2K9: Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

(Or, Sex, Videotape, and Lies, if you want us in photographic order. Last night… oh my. ’Walk, walk, fashion baby’ INDEED.

In other words, ‘THANKS.’ - S,L, and V)

Tonight's experimental cocktail:

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 01:28:59 -0500

4 parts Hennessey + 1 part creme de menthe.

[much needed, and truly a pleasantly holiday-esque little accompaniment to the world’s most bizarre (slash cringe-inducing) bar conversation. To borrow David’s phrase, ‘Well… I was planning on volunteering on Christmas day at the veterans’ hospital… but I guess we took care of that score tonight, huh?’

An, ahem, interesting evening of the thisiswhyIdrink.com variety. Yowza.

What can I tell you? When one’s heart is heavy (or one receives a bombshell over the telephone), get thee to a bar, my child. And may all your Christmases be white.]

lickystickypickyme: Dolly Parton - 9 to 5

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 10:03:00 -0500

lickystickypickyme: Dolly Parton - 9 to 5

tlbb: folkinz: cat power: crazy (gnarls barkley cover)

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 10:00:00 -0500

tlbb: folkinz: cat power: crazy (gnarls barkley cover)

I tried to use "The Secret" today to make a lot of money at work.

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 09:40:00 -0500

jermainia:

But I don’t even know what The Secret is all about. So I repeated “walk, walk, fashion baby” over and over in my head instead. It didn’t work. But I felt fierce.

My Life, Today’s Edition. love love love.

kari-shma: Nina Simone | Feeling good please lord please. mama...

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 09:30:00 -0500

kari-shma: Nina Simone | Feeling good

please lord please. mama has a long day ahead.

Several nights of unrest and the ache of wintry illness have...

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 23:19:00 -0500

Several nights of unrest and the ache of wintry illness have left me desperate for the soothing comfort of deep, dreamless sleep. I find this elusive even in perfect health, so after so many years of staring down sunrises, I’ve come to cling to a few standard comforts:

1. Lullabyes. I find being an adult hasn’t excluded me from needing the gentle whisper of a nocturnal serenade. Quite the opposite, in fact, because now the night terrors have roots in reality, not just imagination. (I have a particular weakness for ‘Jenny Rose’ and ‘Kathy’s Song’.)

2. Bedtime stories. Second only to being sung something lovely, there is nothing so perfect as reading things aloud in bed. A friend of mine used to read to me in Hebrew until I fell asleep. I loved him for that.

3. Meryl Streep reading The Velveteen Rabbit, (accompanied by George Winston). True, I do own this on vhs and LP. Turns out it’s also available on youtube, in segments of course. (Also, check out Robin Williams take on Pecos Bill - brilliant). Without the luxury of #1 or #2 tonight, Meryl is essentially my saving grace and Holy Grail. Therefore…

To all, to each a fair good night…
And pleasing dreams, and slumbers light.
- Sir Walter Scott