- (via text)
- phil: there's a tall, skinny, yarmulke-wearing boy at UMass. want a number?
- mc: yes NOW.
- (phil emails photo via iPhone - it's blurry. can barely see the boy. clear sight of yarmulke)
- mc: get closer! and tell me what kind of shoes he's wearing.
- phil: lol. i'm sitting 10ft away.
- mc: i can barely see him. try harder.
- phil: adidas sneakers.
- mc: with jeans? or shorts?
- phil: khakis. yeah, he's a decent skinny boy.
- mc: khaki pants?
- phil: pants. legs crossed at knee though. fagala?
- mc: Hm..potentially. what kind of shirt?
- phil: solid blue. tshirt.
- mc: hmm...are we talking running shoes or fashion shoes?
- phil: running.
- mc: straight. give him my number.
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can’t find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos. A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren’t, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching “Entertainment Tonight”. Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, “radical cult leader” is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don’t worry about hanging posters—Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.